Bible Quiz for Conservative Christians

1. Jesus said, “Sell all that you have and give to the ____.”
A. “poor.” (Luke 18:22)
B. “rich, because some of it might eventually trickle down to the poor.” (Conservative politicians)

2. Jesus said, “Blessed are the ______makers.”
A. “peace” (Matthew 5:9)
B. “war” (GW Bush)

3. When asked whether people should pay taxes to Rome, Jesus pointed to Caesars’ image on a coin and said:
A. “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's …” (Mark 12:17)
B. “Render unto your offshore tax shelter the things that are yours.” (Mitt Romney)

4. Regarding homosexuality, Jesus said:
A. Nothing. (All the gospels)
B. Nothing, but since none of my close friends are gay, I’ll go ahead and assume they’ll all go to hell. (Misguided Christians whose prejudice overshadows their compassion)

5. Jesus healed the ______.
A. Sick. (Matthew 10:8)
B. I don't care; people are responsible for their own health care. (Misguided Christians whose political views overshadow their compassion)

Answer Key: If you answered B to any of these questions, please stop listening to James Dobson and other false prophets.

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